Musings on a Life Oddly Lived
by Iruka Sensei871
Summary: How did the Order of the Phoenix and the Death Eaters learn to coexist? And why is Voldemort wearing a BBQ apron? Post HBP Rated for Innuendo


Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Musings on a Life Oddly Lived

In a shabby but comfortable room, a small assembly of Hogwarts students and professors were gathered, along with Lucius Malfoy, Bellatrix Lestrange, and other outsiders. Everyone was reading piles of papers, with expressions ranging from amusement to outright horror.

Dumbledore was munching on licorice and chuckling to himself.

Hermione jumped up. "This is ridiculous! I'd never snog Neville!"

Neville looked up from his chair and said, "At least you're not with Malfoy. What's up with that?"

Draco smoothed his luxurious hair, marked now with a black streak from a scar he had incurred serving the Dark Lord. "What's wrong with that? You could do a lot worse. I'll have you know the Malfoys are legendary lovers."

Lucius laughed. "That's what your mother always said, anyway."

"Ewww!" Everyone turned to Ron to find out what had set him off.

Harry grinned. "Ewww because of the mental picture; or ewww because of who those Schnoogle people put you with?"

Ron look at Harry, horrified. "They've got us snogging, Harry."

"Ewww!" Harry snatched the chapter from Ron and crumpled it into a ball.

Professor Snape scowled and said nothing.

Bellatrix snorted. "This is preposterous. Look, someone has me with Lucious and Snape at the same time. I have much better taste than to get with Snape."

Lucius raised an eyebrow. "I had no idea you felt that way. You shouldn't complain too much though. I think I've been with most of the people here; including Snape."

Snape grimaced. "I think not, Lucius. If I could, I'd hex every one of you for even being in these stories about me."

McGonagall grinned. "Why don't you just take house points away, Severus?"

"You know that doesn't work anymore. I tried yesterday, just for good measure."

Hermione groaned. "My goodness. They even have some stories that have me and Ginny together; not to mention a particular disturbing reference to me and McGonagall."

Ginny burst into tears. "It could be worse; this says I love Draco and Lucius."

Draco laughed. "I read that one. It's really well written. Want to get a bite to eat later?"

Ginny ran from the room, her face in her hands.

McGonagall burst out laughing raucously. She walked over to Snape's chair and put an arm around his shoulders. "Severus, love, can you really do this? If you can, I must apologize. I've been underestimating you all these years."

He took the paper and read for a few moments; then handed it back. "I am not in the habit of discussing my sexual proclivities, Minerva."

Harry fell off the chair, laughing.

Ron looked green.

Snape turned his piercing gaze on Harry. "I wouldn't be so smug, Mr. Potter. Some ... imaginative individuals have us in some very compromising situations."

"Ewww," now Harry looked green.

"Ewww indeed, Mr. Potter."

Hermione chipped in. "This one's not so bad. I married Ron."

Ron smiled. "Oh, wait," Hermione said. "You die and I end up with ... Snape?"

Snape looked her up and down. "Humph. Apparently, I have intimate knowledge everyone here, and I've even broken a large number of hearts."

Dumbledore looked up. "Really?"

Snape sighed. "Really."

Sirius Black walked into the room. "Hey, check this out. Tons of people think I should shag Remus."

"What does Remus think about that?" McGonagall asked.

"He's outside getting really drunk."

McGonagall smiled. "Isn't that how several of these stories started in the first place?"

Everyone laughed. Snape even chuckled a little.

At that moment, Tom Riddle walked into the room with an apron and barbeque tools.

"Hey, quit reading that mess. There's Mohito's on the patio."

Everyone got up and headed to the patio. As they were leaving, Snape draped an arm over Hermione's shoulders.

"You're looking particularly dashing this evening, Miss. Granger, especially for a dead person. Would you hold a dance for me later this evening?"

Hermione looked him in the eye for a minute. "Sure," she said. "What's the point of being dead if we can't have some fun?" She leaned in and said, "I just have to know; can you really do this?" as she handed him one of the chapters she was reading.

It was the first time anyone could remember seeing Snape grin.


End file.
